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MOM-ents: Making New Friends

Meghan wonders why it is so hard to make new mommy friends.

Let me start off by saying I do have friends.  453 friends, actually, if you believe my Facebook page.  (Although there are a few people on my list that I can’t quite place, but we had like 70 friends in common, so I figure I knew them at some point, so why not accept their request?)

So, why, as a mom, is it so hard to make some additional friends?  You know, someone to fill the void when your other two real friends have plans already?  I’ve done stints at the library, toddler gym, dance class, pool, zoo, etc., but do not yet have one friend who I have not met through my husband, mutual friends, work, or someone whose husband works with a mutual friend. 

When preparing for these “friend search” outings, I always make sure that we are dressed in what I like to call the “approachable” style.  Ryann and Matthew’s outfits look great without making it look like we are trying too hard-besides the fact that I usually keep them in their diapers (and underwear for Ryann-more on that later) until just moments before we go out. 

I like to keep myself stay-at-home mom casual, which usually means throwing a clean shirt on right before we leave as well.  My diaper bag matches my purse and I keep it well stocked so that other moms can plainly see how much I’ve got it together.

I was in a dance class with Ryann all year this past year and you want to know when I learned the other mom’s names?  At the dance recital.  In fact, one of the moms started an e-mail list to try to get a playdate together, but we have yet to do it (unless I’ve been deleted) and we all still have to sign the e-mail with our own name and then our daughter’s name in parenthesis. 

I got my hopes up a few weeks ago when a mom I had “met” a few months ago tracked down my old blog and sent me an e-mail about perhaps having a playdate in the future.  However, after I responded, probably too quickly, and probably too excitedly, I still haven’t heard back from her. 

It is like high school all over again, except I am not waiting on a phone call from a cute boy. I am waiting for an e-mail from a mom who seemed normal (normal is like me, no offense to everyone who isn’t) who has a kid my age. 

So I read and re-read my response e-mail.  Did I use too many exclamation points?  Should I have taken it easy on the caps lock?  Did she find me on Trenton Patch and read all about my laissez faire parenting style?  Is there a You Tube video out there of me dancing in public?  At what point did I turn from potential friend to crazy lady?  Why am I so hard to love?  What are the odds of her contacting me after reading this?

So to moms out there who have met new friends, I want to know your secret.  I will be waiting anxiously for your response, but will not write back for at least three days, as I don’t want to scare you off.

Sincerely,

Meghan (Ryann and Matthew’s mom)

Kelly Grignon July 18, 2011 at 11:09 AM
Totally relate to this one. I've been living in Trenton for 3 years now (this saturday is the anniversary) and I've made a neighbor friend (because our two daughters made friends first) and a few couples-friends through my husband at work. All great, I must add! But still, when I make plans or suggest something or reply to a text/email and I don't hear back or plans fall through...- start to wonder aaaall those things you listed above....
Kelly Grignon July 18, 2011 at 11:10 AM
And as I reread my comment I start to think "omg, does Meghan really think all this? Or is it just for her article? She's going to read this and think 'I was making some of that up for effect, this lady is crazy.'" :)
Lindsey Hale July 18, 2011 at 01:30 PM
So sad! I thought we were at least "dance mom" buddies! Haha. some people seem like their circle of friends is so tight that you don't really belong. I get that vibe sometimes. I don't know what it is about adults that make it hard to make new friends! And Ill bet it was a video of you doing the "hello!Hi!howdy!" Dance!
Mandy Trombly July 18, 2011 at 01:37 PM
You're not alone Meghan. I've met one actual friend in the five years I've been a mom. We used to talk every day, but it seems life inevitably got in the way of our friendship and now we only manage to talk about once a month or less.
Meghan Everly July 18, 2011 at 01:50 PM
Lindsey, we are totally dance mom buddies, but you never asked me out on a (play)date or anything. Also, if you followed the youtube link, you would not be disappointed-I think this tops hellohihowdy. I guess it is so hard to keep up with your old friendships that it is hard to nurture a new one-I guess someone needs to write a "rulebook of (play)dating" so people know when to be offended or not.
Lindsey Hale July 18, 2011 at 01:51 PM
Lol I totally didn't know the ball was in my court :)
Meghan Everly July 18, 2011 at 01:51 PM
And Kelly, I only speak my heart-my crazy radar didn't even blink at your post :p
Kristen Davis July 18, 2011 at 02:11 PM
I couldn't agree more! With my schedule and my husbands schedule(s) it becomes increasingly harder to find new couple friends outside of work/office in our area. Our kids our 10 and 9 and most of their parents have their circle of friends already. There is a lot of truth in what Mandy said... "Life inevitably gets in the way."

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